Smile for the cameras


‘You have excellent oral hygiene.’ Let’s read that again, shall we? ‘You have EXCELLENT oral hygiene.’

Heard that this morning, straight from the horse’s mouth, if you will, in the guise of a distractingly handsome dentist. This is good news on two levels: firstly, I’ll take praise from wherever I can get it, and secondly, it means I’m ready for my close-up, on this, the threshold of fame.

We have a camera crew filming a documentary at my place of work. They turned up yesterday, welcomed by a sudden and marked flowering of heels, lipstick and pretty frocks among my colleagues. I’ve decided to go the other way, looking such a munter they have to pixellate me. It may be unnecessary, of course: it’s possible that the subs’ desk is not as enthralling to the wider public as it is to us. On the other hand, watching people pass page proofs to each other, flip through dictionaries and enquire about the correct styling of belle époque may simply be too racy for television. We’re strong meat, we subs – and some of us have excellent oral hygiene.


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