And the results are in…

26Sep12

Yeah, so I didn’t die or anything, but as I embark on the second fast I have already learned some tips. Eagle-eyed sticklers will be squeaking in their eagerness to point out that the name of the regime is the 5:2 diet not the 6:1 diet, but you know what? There’s nothing people hate more than an eagle-eyed stickler, so shut up, yeah?

First, don’t get up really early to do some freelance work on the first day you try this. Otherwise, what was already shaping up to be a poor-quality day is now two hours longer. Brilliant.

Second, you’re just going to have to find out when best to deploy calories. If you feel achy, dizzy and despairing at lunchtime, chances are you should have front-loaded the menu. Eat, you moron.

Third, plan your meals and don’t think about it again, otherwise it will take up your entire bandwidth and you’ll find yourself well on the way to an eating disorder before sunset.

Fourth, bear in mind that rock-bottom sugar grumps mean you have absolutely zero insight into your condition (if you don’t believe me, just ask Joan Collins). You could well be behaving like a three-year-old in a supermarket. Pull yourself together.

And for a happy, happy fast:

Go to a friend’s for dinner the night before. Eat two bananas and a bagel before you even get to her house. Eat a big bag of crisps before she starts cooking. Eat two large bowls of slightly al dente risotto and drink lots of water. Yes, the walk home will be extremely uncomfortable. That hip-strap on the rucksack will really chafe, and the night ahead will promise gut-swells, but by all the saints you won’t be hungry until 3pm the next day!

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