Round up a posse

18May12

Because this week hadn’t been QUITE draining enough, I got home last night to find half the back door on the kitchen floor and the entire house ransacked. Cupboards hanging open and contents all over the floor, drawers pulled out and dumped, clothes festooned across the room, bed and bedding pulled apart. Shitting hell. Shitting HELL. Having cut the back door in half, they’d spent a merry interlude turning the place over, before jumping over the fence (observed by a neighbour alerted by his increasingly frantic dog – we hope the scumbags can be ID’d) and buggering off with their meagre haul. See, despite my best intentions, I hadn’t got a new telly for the kitchen, and as mentioned before, the telly in the front room is so old it remembers the Coronation. Thus it was that our buccaneering renegades ended up with two laptops so old they won’t support any Firefox above 0.05, another that is so ancient it won’t even start, some cash and a camera. In our house we like books, not iPads or Kindles or iPods, not swanky phones or expensive jewellery or anything, basically, that isn’t knitted or made of horse-glue. So nerr. Try turning THAT into cash, twatheads.

Annoying self-help books say that every day you should try something you’ve never done before. Tomorrow morning I’m going to be fingerprinted to have myself excluded from the investigation.

Next stop: Sunday. Gastroenteritis? Meteor strike? Boils?

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