Drink-speaking offence


Christmas cheer is in full flow at the moment, which is to say Pepsi and painkiller consumption in the ayem has risen in direct proportion to rosy-cheeked shoutychats in the peeyem. Last night I was opining, loudly, to some cornered unfortunate at the college Christmas party that I have always disliked talking to my lecturers in informal situations because – I was inventing on the hoof and impressed with my own insight – it’s sort of like they are famous, and I hate talking to famous people as well. I get all tongue-tied and blank brained and stare at my feet.

Today, sober, I have changed my mind. Not about the blank-brained bit – I was spot-on there. I hate talking to them because in an unguarded moment of I’m-the-funniest-person-in-the-world I might overcorrect wildly and recommend that they put a picture of a cupcake and big gold writing on the cover of their next book to boost their sales figures. Just what you want to shout at the author of Chaoplexic Warfare or the Future of Military Organization.

In their book’s introduction, academics often thank students for discussions that help them refine their ideas. Now, I’m no soothsayer, but I imagine the cutting edge of chaoplexic warfare is just going to have to jog along without me. In fairness, he did laugh, but it’s too late. Ize a moron.


2 Responses to “Drink-speaking offence”

  1. 1 Cupcakes and FlapJacks

    Just how big would the gold lettering been ? Bigger than 16pt and I’d buy a copy …

  2. 2 vanessaharriss

    Beeg beeg beeg, I’d say. And perhaps some lipstick and a riding crop, though I’d hate to be derivative…

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